I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
