I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
