Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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