and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
