I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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