Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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