they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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