I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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