She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
