yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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