did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
