:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
