ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
