If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
