They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
