census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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