your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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