the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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