sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
