I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
