One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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