the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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