You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
