I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
