so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
