Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
