is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
