I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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