Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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