Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
