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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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