bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
