i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
