I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
