at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
