Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
