Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I currently don't understand fingers.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
