I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
