Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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