I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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