Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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