I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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