Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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