The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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