ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
