Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
