my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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