I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
