i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
