My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
