We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
