Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
