I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
