I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
