Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
